The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it is still on the list.
If I agreed with you then we'd both be wrong.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Some people are like Slinkies- not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you push them down the stairs.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are billions of stars, but has to check when you say the paint is wet?
God must love stupid people. Why else would he make so many?
The voices in my head may not be real, but they do have some pretty good ideas.
You don't need a parachute for skydiving, you need one for skydiving TWICE.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Who was the first to look at a cow and say, "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems... But then again, neither does milk.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in your enemies' eyes.
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