Guest Post: The Paths of Glory Lead But to the Grave

Our old friend Baggy Pants Devil is back with guest post.  Baggy was semi-regular contributor during the early days of the OMZ.  Glad to have him back on MZ 2.0!

First, I need to qualify this little post lest I be painted as some sort of “hater” who’s not all in for Michigan. I really love this team. Really, I do. The offense is just a joy to watch most of the time. I’d like to see Stephen Hopkins more on short yardage situations but that is pretty much my only complaint. The offensive line—the foundation of any good offense—is great. The corps of receivers is awesome and they block, too! And—in spite of the fumbles and the interceptions and getting knocked out of just about every game for at least a play or two—I will take Denard Robinson and the stark contrast between his sincere humility and his otherworldly speed over the sketchiness that is Cam Newton any day.

I can’t even dislike the defense, in spite of the prodigious amounts of yards and points they surrender. Jordan Kovacs is an inspiration and should have a movie—and one that’s factually accurate—made about him. With so many young men being pressed into service on the field at a point far too early in their collegiate careers it’s impossible not to sympathize and respect them in spite of their less than successful results. I may not like seeing all the turnovers, penalties, or the final scores but I do not dislike this team.

Now, our lovable, flawed, and generally overmatched protagonists face the most difficult remaining two games in all of FBS football--Wisconsin and Ohio State--and I can’t help feeling a bit like this:



You can say what you want about Brett Bielema but you cannot accuse him of lacking a killer’s instinct (see Minnesota & Indiana). You can say what you want about Jim Tressell but you cannot accuse him of lacking success against Michigan (see what feels like an eternity now). We can all hope for some sort of happy ending to this season—and in a strange way there is some hope against Ohio State: Michigan managed the triple-overtime win over an Illinois team that had also pummeled Penn State; maybe Michigan matches up well against teams that beat Penn State—but the unfortunate truth of this situation is that hope is all we have.

Aside from our nearly baseless hope we do have the prospect of a bowl game this season. This makes the comparisons to Stanley Kubrick’s classic even more appropriate since the grim execution scene was followed by one of the most moving scenes ever filmed:



Seeing Denard Robinson, Roy Roundtree, Jordan Kovacs, Tate Forcier and all of those young men who have suffered through the last few years in a bowl game will be like listening to “The Faithful Hussar.” Right now, it's all we got.

Guest 'Shop: Make it Rain, Cam Newton!

MZone reader CN (irony of the initials duly noted) sent in this "Smack Talk Guest 'Shop" of Cam Newton in the wake of the allegations of the last couple of days.

The Saga Continues: Buckeyes Strike Back!

In response to our previous Star Wars-inspired posts about the Oregon Duck Star, MZone reader, The Buckeye Josey Wales, sent us the following 'shop:

I know Michigan fans are impressed with the Dark
Side but I've seen how this movie ends

Big HT to JW for the guest post. And thanks to all the MZone readers who have been sending in tips, ideas and guest posts of late.  It's much appreciated and really helps us maintain the illusion of actually having a life.

Worst Newscast Opening Ever

This has got to be the worst start to a newscast EVER...



How did a former Emmy-winning newscast go so horribly wrong so quickly?

To find out, special MZone guest correspondent JZ captured this exclusive picture from inside the control room.

According to the show's producer on the left - who did not wish to give his name to the MZone - the tape decks were empty when he arrived at the station.  He said the anchor in the clip above wasn't fit for the type of newscast he usually produced but said he was looking for a hot blond with huge credentials in on-air reporting.  He then promised he was going to build a newscast everybody would be proud of but said that viewers had to be patient because, "Even Walter Cronkite couldn't put out a quality newscast with the anchors and reporters we have in the newsroom right now."

When asked who was responsible for what was airing now, the producer pointed at his associate producer and simply said, "His.  My primary focus is on taped broadcasts and telethons.  I leave the live newscasts to my live newscast guy here.  Sure, I throw in my two cents worth, but you know, that means that 98 cents worth is his fault."


(Thanks to MZone reader JZ for the guest post.  If you'd like to submit a guest post in the hopes of being a word famous blogger - with the riches and women that go hand-in-hand with such a title - submit away.  Please note however that due to the number of submissions, the fact that a lot of them suck ass and, most importantly, that Andy and I want to keep all the babes and riches to ourselves, we can't use everything sent our way).

Mel the Praying Mantis Passes

One of the most prescient cephalopods the world has known, Paul the Octopus, is dead. Paul became an international star in July when the world learned of his prowess for correctly predicting soccer World Cup matches. He was on the money with all eight games he picked. 
 

And as these things tend to happen in threes, number two has hit: Mel the Praying Mantas cashed in his prayer beads yesterday and passed away after a short illness.  Mel was a local insect icon in Ann Arbor known for his uncanny ability to accurately predict every Wolverine win/loss since September 2008.  A longtime U-M fan, "Michigan Mel" could be seen at every home game praying incessantly for a Michigan victory.  He often led scores of fans in the South Endzone in enthusiastic prayer for a decent defense.  Sadly, those prayers went unanswered.

“He’ll be missed,” said Susan, a longtime season ticket holder who knew Mel.  "He can't be replaced.  Sure, there's Butterfly Bob in Section 8, but he's sometimes belligerent and often uses foul language around kids."

Funeral arrangements were not final at press time but Larry’s Bug and Pest Control will be handling them. 

Michigan Mel during a recent vacation to Boca

(HT to Phil for the guest post!)