All about marriage

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
"You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids." -- Derrick, 8 


About 15 years ago, The Oregonian debuted a humor column called "The Edge." A daily compendium of wacky, irreverent and often juvenile (i.e., bathroom) humor, it was created and written for the first several years by Tim Harrower -- and quickly became a reader favorite with recurring features like Useless Fact o' the Day and Lame Joke du Jour.

Authorship of the column has changed hands a few times since, and its visibility in the newspaper has been taken down a notch, from the cover of the features section to an inside or back page. To tell the truth, I miss it most days. Today I'm glad I ran across it. After sharing my thoughts recently on the keys to a long marriage, The Edge offers a column's worth of wisdom, courtesy of kids 7 to 10 years old.

Along with the above, check out these nuggets:

How do you decide who to marry?
"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming." -- Alan, 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with." -- Kristen, 10

What is the right age to get married?
"Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then." -- Camille, 10

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?
"Both don't want any more kids." -- Lori, 8

What do most people do on a date?
"Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough." -- Lynnette, 8

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -- Martin, 10

When is it OK to kiss someone?
"When they're rich." -- Pam, 7

"The law says you have to be 18, so I wouldn't want to mess with that." -- Curt, 7

"The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do." -- Howard, 8

Is it better to be single or married?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them." -- Anita, 9

How would the world be different if people didn't get married?
"There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?" -- Kelvin, 8

How would you make a marriage work?
"Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck." -- Ricky, 10


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Friday funnies

A longtime friend ("longtime" being a euphemism for "old") sent these to me earlier today, figuring I would appreciate them as a lover of words.

With thanks to Jon H, I post them here as well, hoping one or more bring a smile to your face.

Don't know about you, but I don't mind ending my work week on a lighter note. *

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

************ ********* *****

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber  .  .  . "
************ ********* *****

On a Church's Billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

************ ********* *****

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee  :
"Invite us to your next blowout."

************ ********* *****

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg.
We want tows."

************ ********* *****

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire
and take appropriate action."

************ ********* *****
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."

************ ********* *****

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We know our stuff."

************ ********* *****

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome!
Dog food expensive!"

************ ********* *****

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary.
We hear you coming."

************ ********* *****

At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."

************ ** ************


In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

************ ********* *****

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."

************ ********* *****

And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
"Best place in town to take a leak."

Post a comment below to let me know which one you liked best.

* Can you tell where I come down on socialism vs. capitalism?

Joke of the day

Another joke, courtesy of brother-in-law Jim.

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?"

"Morris Fishbien," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop. I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man."

"That's so moving! How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to a freakin' wall."

Joke of the day

This comes from my brother-in-law, Jim.

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But, alas, Patrick, now quite old, was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and knelt.

"Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our very long lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

O'Brian burst into tears, "Anything, Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

O'Brian was overcome by the beauty and the true Irish spirit of his friend's request. He said, "Aye, 'tis a fine thing you ask of me. I will pour the whiskey. But, a question for you. Might I just strain it through me kidneys first?"