Terrelle Pryor's legacy summed up in one picture

Yes, a picture really is worth a thousand words.  MZone reader Doug sent us the pic below from a sporting goods store in Ohio. 

The Terrelle Pryor Story: From Heisman candidate to the clearance rack

Wonder how the red vests are selling?

Damn right I'm a Jim Tressel fan...for $11 bucks!

Our top secret spy behind enemy lines in Columbus, SiC, who sent us the pic earlier this week of the Sugar Bowl shirts on sale, has sent us another.

I guess those Tressel hats ain't fetching what they used to!

P.S. No, I don't have any idea where the hell SiC saw this. Judging by the background, it looks like he was shopping at someone's garage sale.  Then again, this looks like exactly the sort of place that would sell a hat like this.

MZone Art History: Mona Lisa After One Semester at Ohio State

The MZone isn't just about crass, low-brow humor. Far from it. We also seek to enlighten. Case in point, the inaugural edition today of a new feature we like to call MZone Art History.

Enjoy. Learn. Laugh.

Buckeye fan wants to literally "F*ck Michigan"

If you've ever spent any time around Buckeye fans (sorry), then you're familiar with their love of the phrase "Fuck Michigan."  From screaming it in your face near the 'Shoe to tee shirts with the words splashed across the front, it's practically (and pathetically) the official school chant.  In fact, I think Tosu* fans prefer "Fuck Michigan!" to "Go Bucks!" 

Typical Tosu*.

And then there's the ball of class with this tattoo...

According to tipster who sent it to Deadspin, the body art above belongs to one of his co-workers whom he described exactly as you'd expect somebody with this on him to be described:

Basically he is the biggest bigot/redneck to have ever walked this earth but that's makes him so goddamned adorable. We live in Columbus and he would happily chop his own dick off to bring Tressel back. This is also the same kid who claims to have, in his own words, achieved the "unpossible" because he was entirely convinced that he had smoked so much weed his poop turned green. So yeah, go Bucks, I guess?

Yeah, those bigots are oh-so cuddly and cute, aren't they? 

Seriously, is there any doubt this guy is a complete asshat?  Really?  You doubt it?  Look at the tattoo again.  The man paid money to have someone permanently put a tattoo of a giant nut mascot - with its pants unbuckled for realism - anally raping a wolverine.  Apparently "Fuck Michigan" wasn't classy enough for this guy so he decided to go full-on visual sodomy.

How "adorable."

On second thought, I'm now guessing that "bigot" is probably one of the nicer things you can say about this dude.

(HT: NR and others)

New Arrival

In the wake of yesterday's news that the all the wins from the 2010 season will be vacated, Columbus retailers are scrambling to get the latest "Fuck Michigan" shirt on their shelves.

Downfall: OSU vacates entire 2010 season

More to come but had to get something up about the carnage in Columbus.  As you've probably heard by now, Ohio State vacated every win from its 2010 season and gave itself 2 years probation.

In a response submitted today to the NCAA, Ohio State admits allegations that then-coach Jim Tressel lied and allowed ineligible players to compete by failing to report that they had sold OSU-issued memorabilia to a tattoo-parlor owner.

But my favorite part of the Dispatch story linked above was this paragraph:

"The responsibility is upon Tressel. No other institutional personnel were aware" of the violations, and the former coach failed in his obligation to report them, the response says. "The institution is embarrassed by the actions of Tressel."

(emphasis MZone)

Gee, when your own school is "embarrassed" by you, that's pretty bad...and also a damn good excuse to repost Vestocchio!

MZone Exclusive: OSU iPhone App Final Screen Layout

Last week, Ohio State president and second-in-command to the football coach Gordon Gee gushed about a new Ohio State app for the iPhone:

Just downloaded wonderful new OSU iPhone app. All things Scarlet & Gray at a touch. I love it! 

 And the iTunes description for the app reads:

Hey Buckeyes, put campus in your pocket with the OSU Mobile app. Easy access to everything Ohio State offers, from viewing your grades to finding the nearest pizza shop. It’s free! Download it now! 

Couple things:  Looking for a "pizza shop?"  A "pizza shop?"  Is my grandmother designing apps now?  I guess they go to the pizza shop after they grab a drink from the soda fountain.  Second, of course it's free.  Aren't all things in Columbus?  (at least if you play football)

But the main thing we noticed was that the picture on the page couldn't have been for the final layout.  I mean the letter on the grade icon was an "A."  At Ohio State?  Yeah, right.

So in an MZone exclusive we have obtained a picture of the finished screen layout for the Ohio State iPhone App.  Behold...

Proof Urban Meyer Will Wind Up as Coach at Ohio State

If you were a reader of The Original MZone (respect), you probably remember The Buckstache...

We coined the term after noticing several Buckeye fans, players and players-to-be who were busted for various run-ins with the law, all while sporting an out-of-style 'stache.

 The word even made its way into the Urban Dictionary:

A mustache adorned by fans of The Ohio State University. Sporting a buckstache often leads one to a life of crime and perversion. The buckstache was made famous by the Michigan Wolverine based blog The M Zone.

Well, speaking of "Urban" (and crime and perversion), all of Columbus is hoping and praying that former Florida coach and Ohio native Urban Meyer will end up on the OSU sidelines in 2012 (Luke Fickell who?).

And judging by this picture Our Honor Defend dug up of Meyer from his days as an OSU assistant in the 80s, it appears he's a shoo in!

Meet Luke Fickell

Ohio State officially unveiled interim INTERIM INTERIM (emphasis Ohio State's, not MZone's) head coach Luke Fickell yesterday.  Here's a brief bit of the presser...

(Smith intro via Eleven Warriors)

What?

That's not him? Are you sure?

Well...okay. 

Here's another clip of some other dude talking in Columbus yesterday.




If I were a Buckeye fan (and I thank the Lord each and every day that I am not), he doesn't exactly inspire a ton o' confidence based on this press conference (either of the above).  Hell, he looks like the 37-year-old assistant that he was until the "Fickell" finger of football fate tapped him on the shoulder. Then again, the guy was thrown into a no-win (or some would say, no-lose) situation. 

But you never know.  Who would've thought that Lloyd Carr would've gone on to a National Title and Hall of Fame career when he got his unexpected shot?  Same guys just step up when the rest of the world counts them out.

Yet Fickell's future in Columbus may not come down to W's and L's.

When asked if he had known of any past or present NCAA violations or any players or coaches who had done the same, Fickell stumbled through the following answer:

“You know I can honestly say that um...where I wasn’t going to say I had blinders on but...very focused at the task at hand and I was not informed of any information until it became public knowledge.”

It was almost as if he was trying to address a second part to that question which wasn't asked: “If the cars and memorabilia and tattoos were so prevelant, how could you not have noticed, too?  Everyone else on campus seemed to notice the cars the players were driving.”

So the bottom line is, if Tosu's Troubles turn out to be rampant in the program (and not isolated to the Tat 5), I think OSU is going to need a clean break with the past, no matter how well Luke Fickell does on the field (I'm also looking at you, Gene Smith and Gordon Gee).  He'll get the broom in after the season even if Urban Meyer isn't taking their calls. 

Finally, while we swear OSU's deer in the headlights INTERIM head coach looks like a certain waterboy, MZone reader JS said Fickell has "runaway bride eyes"...

The Real Reason Tressel Resigned

The other shoe - or should we say shirt - has dropped in Columbus.

You just knew there had to be more.

UPDATE: It keeps getting worse.

Buckeye fans keeping Tressel's demise in perspective

Look, I get that OSU fans loved Tressel, if for no other reason than he was 9-1* against Michigan.  But even reasonable Buckeyes (if there is such a thing) have to admit some of their fan base have totally lost it in their defense of a man the NCAA called out for lying.   Seems the more evidence against him, the more they dig in their steel-toed work boots.

Yesterday, I saw a tweet by a Buckette who responded to a comment on one of my tweets by saying this:

Tressel became the fall guy. The Board figured that if Tressel resigned, the penalty against OSU w/b lessen from NCAA

Yes, Tressel became the fall guy for - wait for it - Tressel!  He has no one to blame for this mess but himself.

But my favorite defense of Tressel was the one I saw over the weekend.  I was on Amazon looking up one of The Vest's books for a post idea and stumbled across this review posted after Tressel resigned:

Jim Tressel is a Man of Integrity. People of Integrity expect to be believed and when they are not, they let time prove them right. Even Jesus had players who betrayed Him. (emphasis MZone)

Apparently this insightful reviewer is referring to Judas, who played middle inside linebacker for Jesus's stacked 32 AD team.  As most of you know, Judas thought he was good enough to start but he turned out to be the 12th man on the Apostles that season.  And unfortunately for Judas, back in those days everybody played both ways (ironically, this also made Judas the first documented case of oversigning).

But I kid.  I really do.  Because I think it's perfectly legit to compare the situation of a lying college football coach to, you know, THE LORD.  And anybody who disagrees with me is acting like Hitler.

So the question isn't 'Why would you compare Tressel's situation to that of Jesus?' but rather 'Why wouldn't you?'

Sermon on the Porch: Jim Tressel addresses his flock after they show up at his house

ED. NOTE:  Some will say I've crossed a line in the religious sand with this post.  And maybe I have.  I admit it's pretty risky to use The Almighty in a comedic post about college football.  Especially when we all know the only respectful way to bring up the Lord's name is when equating His divine story to that of a disgraced former college football coach in an Amazon review.

The Life of Tressel: OSU fans always look on the bright side

To help with the pic above (and have something to hum along to), click here

OSU names Happy Gilmore as interim head coach

With The Vest having been gone some four days now, it's time to start making fun of Ohio State's place-holder-until-they-beg-Urban-Meyer interim coach, Luke Fickell.

Now, we could go into great detail about Fickell's past and coaching experience, but why bother?  OSU fans don't want him coaching there any longer than he has to.  Hell, even Luke Fickell probably hopes Urban Meyer becomes Ohio State's next permanent coach.

But we did notice one thing we had to mention.  Is it just us or does Fickell look a hell of a lot like The Waterboy?

One is a major movie star, the other will probably end up being a wedding singer in 3 years

Tresselgate: Our Blogging Cup Runneth Over

It's June. The last thing I should be doing in the wee hours of the night when I have to get up for work in the morning is blogging about college football. Did I mention it's June?

But just when I think I can take a break...Tresselgate pulls me back in!

JIM TRESSEL...COME ON DOWN!

(from MZone wire reports) Hollywood, CA -- Former Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel has already lined up his next job.  Not surprisingly, it involves being on TV with a microphone in hand.  But while, for most coaches, that usually means stepping into a sports broadcast booth, Tressel's microphone will be of the long, skinny variety.

The MZone has learned that the recently-resigned Buckeye coach will be replace Drew Carey as host of The Price is Right because "Tressel is simply better at giving away free cars" according to longtime Price producer Harvey Millsap.

"Tressel's probably given away more cars than Bob Barker did during the entire 104 years he hosted the show" explained Millsap.  "And like Barker, Tressel has that same, non-threatening 'old guy in the dessert line at Home Town Buffet' vibe about him."

Millsap also said several popular games on the long-running show will be updated or changed when Tressel takes over this summer.  Among them are "Hi Lo" and "That's Too Much!"

Currently in "Hi Lo," a contestant is shown six grocery items and asked to choose the three he believes are the highest-priced.  When Tressel arrives, the contestant will be shown six tattoos and asked to choose how many pairs of Gold Pants he'll have to trade for five of them.

The biggest change is coming to "That's Too Much!"  In the present version of the game, a contestant is shown up to ten prices for a car in ascending order of price. The contestant wins the car by correctly identifying the first revealed price which is higher than the actual price by calling out "That's Too Much!"

On Tressel's show, that format will be completely scrapped and retitled as "Phone a Booster!"  In the new version, each contestant will randomly call Ohio State fans in the Columbus area to see who will pay for the new car they just picked out at the local car dealership.  If the booster initially refuses, the contestant will yell, "Fuck Michigan!" until the booster changes his mind and pays for the car.

(HT to KK whose FB post inspired this idea)


DUDE, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WRITE SOME NEW LYRICS

Last October, we introduced you to a pro-OSU, pro-Tressel video that was so gloriously, jaw-droppingly bad it was Showgirls-esque.  In light of recent events, it begs for a re-posting.

Looks like it's time to write a new tune, Mascot Man.



I know, right? Rest assured, this may not be the last time I post this. Simply classic.

REST THE VEST

My former blogging cohort, Benny (respect) sent me the following tidbit he saw on Uni Watch.

The Fort Myers Miracle, the minor league baseball affiliate of the Minnesota Twins, is holding a "Rest the Vest" night on June 6th.  According to their press release, "

The Fort Myers Miracle feel the disappointment and anger of the Ohio State University football fan today and want to help ease the pain. So the time to move on from the Jim Tressel era is now!

The new coach of the Buckeyes presumably will not wear sweater vests on the sidelines; so it's time to retire them. Fans are encouraged to bring their sweater vest and place it in the retirement bin near the front gate of Hammond Stadium.

Patrons willingly letting go of the prized possession will have the opportunity to participate in a test drive of a beautiful sports car from Classic Cars of Florida.

The Miracle want everyone to enjoy the "Rest the Vest" Night and even though you might not have a favorite sweater vest, if you have a tattoo then you also benefit.

Just by showing a tattoo, Ohio State or non-related, fans will receive a piece of Miracle memorabilia to keep or sell.

We know it has been a long saga that has affected Buckeye Nation, but let the Miracle help with your move into the Luke Fickell era.

Why the Florida-based minor league baseball affiliate of the Minnesota Twins is concerned with events in Columbus is beyond me, but who am I to judge?

R.M.S. Tressel

The sad voyage of Ohio State coach Jim Tressel



(HT: WLA for the 'copter 'shop)

MZone Exclusive: New Ohio State Logo

In the wake of Tressel's resignation and the ongoing scandal swirling in C-bus, the MZone has learned that Ohio State will be changing their traditional logo - "Ohio State" across a block "O" - to something a little more honest.

Things only people in Ohio would do to their bodies

Every now and then, one of our readers sends us something so perfect for the MZone, we can't get it up on the site fast enough.

Case in point is the pic below from Jon (aka @MonkeyWrench32 on Twitter).  It's one of those reader submissions for which a mere "HT" or simple "Thank you" hardly seems adequate. 

Actually, it was difficult even typing the "Thank you" above.  You know, due to the coffee still coating the keyboard and computer screen after the spit-take.

Behold...

I Ohio Ohio?

I know what you're thinking: Somebody did this to their body?!  On purpose?!

This tattoo is so egregiously bad, I'd almost think it's some photoshopped fake. But we are talking about Ohio. And they do have, shall we say, a "thing" for their tattoos there.  Although, even if it was free like most tattoos in C-bus, this dude (I hope it's a dude) got ripped off.

ED. NOTE:  It took me a couple viewings of "I Ohio Ohio," but I just realized I wasn't looking at someone's belly.   I kept thinking as I looked at the picture, Maybe this is fake.  I don't see the belly button.  Where the hell is belly bu-- Ohmygod.

And yet "I Ohio Ohio" is only a mere appetizer to the humdinger below I stumbled upon while working on this post.  Take a gander at "Ohio, Bloody Ohio."

 

And this one I know is real because there's a video of it getting done. 



Yes, America, somebody is walking around with that on their body.  Who, you ask?  According to the tattoo website where I saw it, "This bloody ohio tattoo was done on my good friend Tara at this years Hell City in Killumbus, Ohio."

Yep.  A woman in Ohio.

Naturally.

To Ohio State, Integrity is Garbage

Over the weekend, got the following email from our pal SiC who, sadly, lives in C-bus:

Taking the wife to a concert @ Value City Arena. Swear to gawd as you walk in they have a tosu trash can with "integrity" posted on it. Had to take a pic.

As SiC said in a follow up email, you can't make this stuff up if you tried!  

Ohio State trashes its integrity

Caption contest, anyone?

UPDATE: Our pal Mikoyan did a little 'Shop to the pic and...

Now Playing in the MZone Theater: CARS (no, not that one)

Inspired by the latest crisis in Columbus, this one involving used cars, Hollywood has rushed a new movie into theaters this week.  Luckily, the MZone was able to obtain an exclusive look at the poster.

O-li(cense)-O!

We couldn't resist.

Jim Tressel's Vanity Plates

Yes, of course his tags are expired.

O-lie-o!

We here at the MZone would like to officially thank Jim Tressel and THE Ohio State University for providing some much needed material during the dog days of college football blogging.

And, with real life intruding of late, we'd especially like to thank regular reader Bob for the pics below.

First up is the revised edition of Jim Tressel's book The Winner's Manual.

Next, in order to help Tosu players sell their Buckeye memorabilia, a new tech company has sprung up.

Finally, as Tresselgate heats up, we end these guest pics with the obligatory 'Shop of Script O-lie-o.

So, what are the odds of Tressel getting canned when all is said and done?