1. Your back goes out more than you do
2. You got cable for the weather channel. Old folks MTV!
3. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
4. You wake up with that morning-after feeling and you didn't do anything the night before.
5. You don't care where your spouse goes, just so you don't have to go along.
6. It takes twice as long to look half as good.
7. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"
8. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
9. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
10. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
11. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
12. You sing along with the elevator music.
13. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
14. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
15. Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
16. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work
17. A "late night" now ends at 10 pm... If that.
18. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't remember being on top of it.
19. Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.
20. Happy hour is a nap.
-Barbara McGuire http://www.c-boom.com/humor2.htm
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