A benevolent God?

"Everything happens for a reason."

No doubt you've heard people say this. Maybe you have too. Do you believe it? I don't.

Does that make me a non-believer in the religious sense? I don't think so. To me, accepting that things happen for a reason is to acknowledge that they are pre-ordained and that there is meaning attached to everything that takes place -- whether good or bad, uplifting or dispiriting.

I think things happen for no reason. That is, I think they happen randomly and the only meaning that attaches to them is what we humans choose to ascribe to a higher power.

Why am I writing about this?

I finally got a chance to sit down over breakfast with my friend Eric, who along with his wife Sue, had to deal with the tragic death of their daughter-in-law earlier this year. I wrote about this in an earlier post -- their oldest son, Scott, and his wife, Jenna, both young officers in the Air Force had just finished their deployments in Afghanistan and were on vacation in Scotland when a spare tire blew up on Jenna's lap. She died of her injuries five days later.

Eric immediately flew to the hospital in Edinburgh to be with Scott, to support him through the difficult process of carrying out Jenna's advance directive. After he returned home to Portland, Sue flew to England, where Scott was based, to be with their son. She's still there but plans to return home this week with Scott, who's been reassigned to Joint Base Lewis-McChord just outside Tacoma.

Sensitive to the heartache anyone would still be feeling, I gently asked Eric if whatever his religious/spiritual beliefs were prior to the accident, did he find himself questioning them during the days when Jenna lay comatose?

Yes, he answered. You certainly question whether God is benevolent. If He is, why would He allow (or cause) this tragedy to happen to a young couple who had done all the right things -- gotten their college degrees, volunteered to serve their country and emerged unscathed from a hostile place, eager to begin spending time together. Why them? What possible explanation could there be for the notion that everything happens for a reason?

Yet, he acknowledged, he also prayed to that higher being that Jenna be able to recover from her injuries and in such a way that life would be worth living. The doctors had determined that if she survived, the most she'd be able to do would be to open her eyes. Maybe.

In that situation, Eric said, you're desperate and you try to grab onto anything that gives you reason to hope. I can understand that completely. I also can imagine that I would do the same. Rail against the unfairness and the randomness of an inexplicable accident while at the same time beseeching something or someone to intervene to make things right. Does that make me a hypocrite? Or just a frail human still trying to figure things out when maybe they'll never make sense?

It's strange, Eric said. Jenna died on April 1st. The next day was Good Friday. Two days later was Easter Sunday.

Today marks two months since Capt. Jenna Sielski Wilcox passed away. She will be buried at Arlington National Cemetery in July.

Photograph: Solano Community Church.