Most Inspirational Speech of the Year

Busy couple of blogging days this week. So going to take it easy today and leave you with the most inspirational speech I've seen since that 4 year old kid did the Miracle speech.

Why do I think we're seeing the first glimpses of a future college football coach here?  If this is what the kid can do after riding a bike at about 4 or 5, think of his halftime speech on the road in Norman.

Denard: Kinda of a Big Deal

Wisconsin Booger Eaters?

HT: Sru

Former Wisconsin All American John Moffit is the player in the sweat pants, all the way to the right in the video.
You have no idea how much I wish this was Justin Boren.

OT: Yogi Bear Alternate Ending

To take everyone's mind off the new Big 10 logo and division names, here's the alternate ending for the upcoming family film, YOGI BEAR.

Violence (and stupidity) at USC-UCLA Game

ED. NOTE: This post has been updated (and its tone altered) with additional links and video as I've found more clips of a surprising amount of violence at the Rose Bowl on Saturday.  In fact, I ended up changing the title of this post from "Trojan Ingenuity" (due to the bottom video and its comedic asshattery) to the current title (due to all the violent asshattery I stumbled upon).

It's sad when the biggest hits in a rivalry game come off the football field.  But that's what happened before, during and after USC's 28-14 victory over UCLA.

First a 50-75 person brawl broke out on the golf course used for parking outside the Rose Bowl leaving two men with stab wounds and three men in jail, including one on a charge of attempted murder.  Two officers were injured trying to break up the melee.



And it wasn't just a bunch of drunk dudes before kick-off.  The women in the video below decided to settle their differences it in the stands during the game.



Then there was this:



Apparently from around the same time is this guy getting knocked out:



If you read the site regularly, you know I have zero tolerance for any kind of fan violence.  Period.  Folks always talk about when something like this happens how, "Someone's going to get killed one day and then what?"  Well, two someones almost did on Saturday - one suffering eight - 8! - stab wounds to the back and another getting stabbed in the face.  I hope anyone responsible for this crap gets the book thrown at them.  Thus, while we tend toward the comedy here at the MZone, I'm not going to make light of this melee these multiple melees.

But I will make fun of the knuckleheads in the video below.

Apparently a USC fan locked her tickets in the car and couldn't get them out. So, naturally, to solve the problem, she and her friends decided to:

A) Call AAA to have them come unlock the car.

B) Buy another ticket on the way in from some desperate scalper for $10 bucks (or probably less) since the game only drew 71,000 fans to a stadium which seats approximately 91,000 spectators.

C) Smash the vehicle's window with a keg.

If you answered "C: Smash the window with a keg," congratulations! You are one of the Trojan rocket scientists in the video below.

There needs to be a college football rap moratorium

How did I miss this one? Yikes!



(HT to respected enemy TG for sending this my way)

Different Ways Wisco Fans Celebrated Tosu Victory

Some Wisco fans studying abroad in Prague did their thang by teaching some Czechs how to Bucky...



Some Badger fans celebrated by letting cute girls kick them in the nuts (no, seriously)...



Then there's the classiest Badger of them all...

Buckeye Mustard Chug

ED. NOTE: "Why, Yost, do you put up so much Tosu material?" Answer: I'm a generally lazy blogger. And the quickest way to find something in a pinch to fill space is YouTube. Well, searching terms associated with Michigan or U-M football most of the time brings up videos having to do with Michigan (the state of) or U-M football. But search "Ohio State" or "Buckeyes" and the YouTube heavens often provide things like Musturd Chug. It's just how life is.

Behold the SHOWGIRLS of Pro-Tosu Vids (No, I'm not over-selling it)

Sometimes it's best not to ask why but to simply kneel before the all-powerful YouTube gods and give merciful thanks. Case in point: the video below.

So I had already scheduled our posts for Thursday and was about to call it a night. Then I stumbled upon...upon...this. What is it you ask? How can a perfect storm of awful be adequately summed up? Answer: it can't. It just must be consumed.

I know, I know. "Yost, be careful," you're probably thinking. "You're overselling it."

No. No, I'm not.

When you finish reading this paragraph and then click play below, you could conceivably find yourself watching the SHOWGIRLS of pro-Buckeye videos. All 3 minutes and 44 seconds of it (no, that's it. Just 3 minutes, 44 seconds. Honest. It just feels like 3 hours and 44 minutes since the awfulness in it is apparently traveling at the speed of light and thus bringing time to a virtual standstill).



"You can get yourself drunk//you can tailgate//you can bring your daaaaate!"

I think it's safe to say, with lyrics like that, even Sir Paul McCartney would simply nod and say, "Bravo, Mascot Man. Bravo."

And thank you, YouTube. I can never repay your generosity tonight.

PS Hey, Buckeye fans, lemme know if this catches on at the 'Shoe. Personally, I can already see this haunting little ditty replacing Hang On Sloopy.

Spartans Take Over A2

Right on State Street.

The horror. The horror.

Potential New U-M Defensive Coordinator Found on YouTube

I'm not saying this kid's schemes are better than Gerg's--

Okay, yes I am.

Most Accurate Arm in C-bus Doesn't Belong to Terrelle Pryor

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that the Michigan fan in me wanted to see a pass that missed its mark by couple inches to the south.  Yes, this was almost the greatest video in the history of YouTube.

Oh well.  Very impressive, Mr. Buckeye Fan. And if you were having a couple beers before the toss, even more so.



In a related story, Tosu coach Jim Tressell has offered the gentleman in this picture a full scholarship in case Pryor's quad doesn't heal completely. All it took was one throw on a YouTube video for The Vest to know this guy's arm is better than Buckeye back-up Joe Bauserman.

Bad Time for Stagefright

(HT: ML)

Double Rainbows Have Nothing on Denard

The video below speaks (and weeps) for itself.



(HT: Benny!)

Ohio State Hostage Video: Free The Shirt!

To our Tosu readers (yes, you know you're here), the clip below is nothing more than a young (misguided) Buckeye fan doing a pretty darn good impression of ESPN commentator Lou Holtz.

However, to Michigan fans, the real story is the safety of the Michigan t-shirt being tortured and hung upside down on the wall in the background...



Thus, we implore the savages behind this vile piece of propaganda to release the shirt immediately, without condition.  For we will not rest again until Mr. Tee is back on the back of a Michigan fan, his cottony embrace keeping said fan properly clothed as he or she cheers while watching Denard Robinson race toward the endzone...only to curse like a sailor moments later as a long TD pass floats over the heads over our confused secondary.

Of course, since we have no direct contact with any of the godless heathens in Columbus, we may have to work through diplomatic channels at Northwestern (they really are like the Swiss of college football, aren't they?  I mean, who the hell dislikes Northwestern?).  Failing that, we will be forced to take direct action inside your stadium come November with our football team (assuming of course they don't suck giant ass again the second half of the season).

We will not forget you, oh brave Michigan tee!  Our motto here at the MZone is "Leave No 'M' Behind!' (Right after, "Hey, free beer!").

You have been warned.  Free The Shirt!

Michigan Tee Held Hostage:  Day 1

UPDATE:  A rescue mission organized by MZone reader Mikoyan may already be in the works.

And you thought only N. Koreans were subjected to brainwashing...

Debunking the myth that Asian children get a better education than those here in the U.S., check out the clip below of an apparent Tosu fan-slash-exchange teacher ruining the young minds of these S. Korean 1st graders.

I'm just glad this didn't happen out in the open near the DMZ or shots might have been fired.  Isn't this a clear violation of international law?  Even Dear Leader doesn't subject his people to this!



Next semester, the kids are going to learn how to say "Fuck Michigan!" and light a dumpster on fire.