It wasn't us, I swear!

According to USA TODAY, "the Big Ten Conference was hit with prank calls during its weekly football coaches teleconference that's supposed to be for news media only. Prank calls became such an issue in the last year that leagues have taken measures to restrict access. Despite requiring a passcode each week, the Big Ten had callers get through Tuesday, including two to Penn State's Joe Paterno. Spokesman Scott Chipman said the league had no comment."

It wasn't us, I swear.

But boy, oh, boy, I wish it had been:

JIM DELANY: "Hello, Big Ten teleconference."

"Uh, yes, this is...reporter Jacques Strapp of the College Football Gazette.  I have a question for Joe Paterno - Is your refrigerator running?"

PATERNO: "What?"

"Just kidding. How has the game changed since you coached against Ulysses S. Grant your first year as a coach?"

PATERNO:  "Well, Grant used to--"

DELANY: "Damnit, Joe!  It's a prank call!

PATERNO:  "Is Frank tall?"

DELANY:  "Nevermind.  Who the hell is this?!"

Click.  Riiiing!

DELANY:  "Hello, Big Ten teleconference."

(changing voice) "Uh, this is Hugh Jass of the College Football Times with a question for Purdue coach Danny Hope?"

HOPE (excited):  "Really?"

"No, not really.  Nobody cares, Danny.  We didn't even know you were still there.  Figured somebody would have shown you the door when Brewster got shit-canned.  Hell, we're surprised Delany even gives you the passcode for the teleconference."

DELANY:  "I'm warning you for the last time!"

Click.  Riiiing!

DELANY (getting pissed): " Big Ten teleconference!"

(new voice) "Hi, I. P. Knightly for the Gridiron Sun-Times.  Question for Mark Dantonio - my cousin Vinnie just got out of jail on a work-release program.  How long before you insert him in the Spartan's starting line-up?"

DELANY:  "You son of a--!"

Click.  Riiiing!

DELANY:  "What?!?!"

"Hi, this is Drew Sharp of the Detroit Free Press.  I--"

DELANY:  "Fuck you.  We'd rather talk to the prank phone call guy instead."

Click.