Dear Dave Brandon: You can't take a picture with tradition, either

"You can't get your picture taken with the Block M. Mascots are really embraced by the youth demographic and we want to take advantage of that, for all the reasons that are obvious." 

Athletic Director Dave Brandon on having a mascot at Michigan

In many ways, Michigan AD Dave Brandon is one of the primary reasons the MZone is again part of the U-M blogosphere.  And that's not a compliment.

After 2+ years of cyber silence (and no intention of returning), I came out of hibernation last August when, in the midst of Big 10 divisional realignment talk, it was revealed that the Michigan-Ohio State game was almost certainly going to be moved from its traditional season ending spot on the schedule.

Now, it's one thing for Jim "Yes, the Tat 5 should play in the Sugar!" Delany to whore out to network wishes and advocate moving The Game.  Or Barry "We want to sit at the big table!" Alvarez getting behind changes that will keep many folks across the country from thinking first of the Wolverines and the Buckeyes when they think of the Big 10.  But Michigan's own athletic director supporting something that would dilute and detract from what arguably is the greatest rivalry in college football?!

Asinine.

Brandon should have been screaming from the rooftops in protest.  Instead, the former Domino's CEO didn't even seem to realize what an appallingly bad idea it was, talking about preparing for change and saying such things as:

“I think there’s a distinct possibility that game will be a later game in the season but not necessarily the last game of the season.  That’s simply because I don’t think the coaches or the players or the fans or the networks or anyone would appreciate that matchup twice within a seven-day period.”

This after voicing the misguided (and still misguided!) assertion that it's better to have Michigan and Ohio State in separate divisions "because we’re in a situation where one of the best things that could happen, in my opinion in a given season, would be the opportunity to play Ohio State twice.  Once in the regular season and once for the championship of the Big Ten."

No, that's not one of the best things.  Really.  It's not.  And for Michigan's AD to not understand that was actually sort of scary.

Yeah, I know he played under Bo.  But that doesn't mean his leadership of The Leaders and Best is always correct or beyond reproach.  Sometimes Brandon's boardroom background needs to take a back seat to lessons learned in The Big House locker room.  Because if Bo had still been alive and heard that crap about The Game, he'd have kicked Brandon's ass right back to Domino's.

Those were the answers of a man more concerned with television than tradition, seemingly more interested in appeasing advertisers than alums.  At a time like that, Michigan fans needed and deserved their team's old QB/DE, not the former pizza CEO. 

Unfortunately, Brandon only changed his tune (along with the B10, and OSU's president and AD) after - holy shit, locusts! - U-M and Ohio State fans teamed up to voice their unified outrage at the asshattery.

But that wasn't the end of Brandon's questionable calls.

Earlier this month there was the "retro jersey" controversy.  And just last week, Brandon created another stir when he hinted that he was exploring the possibility of adding a Wolverine mascot to The Big House sidelines, talking about it in terms of "youth demographics."

"I'm struck by the fact that when opposing teams come to our stadium, and they bring a mascot, all of our young fans are lined up to see if they can get a picture taken with it, whether it's the Penn State Nittany Lion or Sparty," Brandon told Michigan Today. "That's a little annoying to me.

You know what's annoying to me?  Not realizing you don't need some fur ball on the sidelines to get kids hooked on Michigan football or to become lifelong maize and blue fanatics.  It's been working pretty darn well the last 130+ years without one.

"Picture time, Youth Demo!  Go Blue!"

The reaction from the maize and blue faithful was equally as unenthusiastic and Brandon, like he did with the M/OSU scheduling scandal, backtracked, this time saying the idea is "not an active project."

But this isn't about pictures with mascots, or even "youth demographics."  It's about mom and dad's money.  Because college football is big business.  And slapping some furry creature on toddler tees and sippy cups will bring in a couple extra bucks.   But doesn't being at a school which has sold out the biggest college football stadium in the land each and every game since 1975 - with seat licensing fees tacked on to ticket prices to boot - buy a program at least a little bit of a buffer against shit that sounds like something bandied about in a marketing meeting and thrown against the wall (or sent out with 2-for-1 coupons) to see if the idea sticks?

Look, I realize that traditions need to evolve.  That's why I supported The Big House renovation and upgrades but hated the ring around the stadium.  That's the reason I love the idea of a night game but hate the cheesy-ass "retro" jersey money grab that was tacked on to it.  Being able to tell the difference between upgrading tradition and upending it is the key.

And how does one know the answer to that?  I liken it to the old supreme court definition of pornography: I know it when I see it.  But most importantly, Michigan needs its AD to know it.

You cannot be serious! MZone uncovers inspiration for throwback jerseys

It's no secret that I'm not exactly in love with the throwback jerseys unveiled last week.

As has already been discussed here and elsewhere, they're not throwbacks to anything Michigan has worn in the past, try as some might to sell them as such (key word: sell).

Yet I couldn't help thinking I'd seen them before, or at least their forefathers.  Just not on a football field.  But where?

Then I was clicking through the channels over the weekend and stumbled upon an HBO special on the tennis rivalry between Bjorn Borg and John McEnroe.

And there it was.

Judging by the pictures below, apparently these jerseys are throwbacks to wood racket tennis circa 1980.

Throwback jerseys? More like throw-away jerseys

UPDATE: It's official.

(pic via @GerdOZone)

We've been so caught up in gleefully ribbing our Big 10 Buckeye brethren about the swirling scandal in C-bus that we haven't weighed in yet on the "throwback" jerseys set to be unveiled tonight for this year's Michigan-Notre Dame game.  So, without further adieu, here are the jerseys, which were mistakenly leaked on the MDen (pic via MnB)...

...And here's our review:

Those suck ass.

Seriously, we could get all Project Runway* on this crap and tell you why, but we're working under the assumption here at the MZone that our readers have eyeballs and use them when visiting our site.  Hence, is there really a need to break it down on an aesthetic level?

In general, I hate throwback jerseys - even when the design isn't as obnoxious as the one above.  Because they are nothing - NOTHING - more than a money grab.  Period.  As Brian said best of all:

Tomorrow we'll enter the ranks of schools that dress up like clowns for a little bit of money from a shoe company.

Plus, I believe such eyesores detract from the game day experience.

Unfortunately, the powers that be at Michigan and the other schools which agree to bastardize their uniforms for a couple extra bucks apparently confuse what keeps fans coming back for the game vs. what keeps folks returning for the game day experience:  The game itself is about the unexpected while the game day experience is all about the expected.

So much of college football at programs like Michigan and many others is about the traditions.  The conditioned emotional response of the familiar.  The chills one feels when the team runs under the giant "Go Blue" sign or when the band plays The Victors or when the fans hold up their car keys to drown out the opposition on 4th and inches come from a lifetime of consistent acquired memories.

That's not being old fashioned, that's respecting and understating the foundation that keeps 100,000+ people coming each and every football Saturday to The Big House.

Thus, while the term "throwback" is supposed to imply a link to a school's storied past, the term is nothing but trickeration.  Such uniforms have nothing to do with honoring the past or instilling new memories.  Instead, it's all about lining pockets at the expense of those things.  They are not nostalgic, they're gimmicks.  The only reason they call them "Throwbacks" is because "Additional Revenue Stream" jerseys would be too off-putting.

ONE FINAL THOUGHT

If the picture at the top of this post does indeed turn out to be the monstrosity spit forth tonight, how fucking bad were the rejected designs?  Because in order to come out as the final product, the maize and blue pigeon dropping above must have been up against some runner-up choices like this...

 

Actually, neither of these are much worse.

* Don't give me shit about the Project Runway reference.  Because if you have a wife or girlfriend, you've had to take one for the team at some point and sit through an episode of this eye-gouger.

MZone Exclusive: "Michigan Plane" Makes Secret Stop in Coaching Search

If you've been following this or other Michigan blogs during The Great Coaching Search of 2011, you know that many U-M fans have been scouring flight tracking websites in order try to figure out where AD Dave Brandon's travels are taking him and, thus, who he's talking to about Michigan's vacant head coaching position.

Much of the tracking chatter has centered on a wealthy alum's so-called "Michigan plane" that has been spending a lot of time in Baton Rouge, home of LSU and potential coaching candidate Les Miles.

But the MZone has learned that's not even close to the most interesting stop for this private jet.

When Dave Brandon said he was conducting a national search, he wasn't kidding.  The MZone has obtained the exclusive video below of an until-now secret stop on Brandon's far reaching quest to replace the fired Rich Rodriguez.

Folks, after you watch, we think you'll agree that Michigan's AD is leaving no stone unturned to find the best coach.

In Plane Sight

As Michigan's coaching search enters its make-or-break week, in a desperate need to fill the information vacuum, I love all the folks using flight data like a Ouija board.   I've gotten a few good laughs reading all the chatter about some dude (it's always a dude) going to PeopleWhoUsedToListenToPoliceScannersButNowTrackFlights.org, finding any flight leaving any airport within 60 miles of Ann Arbor, then using the flight's ultimate destination to make a prediction about about who Michigan is talking to with about as much accuracy as Kirk Herbstreit. 

From GoBlueNbyNWfan: A small crop duster piloted by man wearing an "M" hat left Willow Run airport yesterday then flew real low over a farm outside Monroe.  Pretty sure this means UM interested in 3rd generation wheat farmer Bill Simmowitz or the ghost of Cary Grant.

My favorite Flight Tracker story thus far the one on Friday about this plane...



...being spotted in Baton Rouge, home of LSU, before departing the same day.

The plane is owned by Richard H. Rogel, a financially well-endowed Michigan alum who personally donated $22 million to the school in 2004.  According to the SportsByBrooks link above, Rogel is also a member of the U-M’s “Director’s Cabinet in the Department of Intercollegiate Athletics.”

Naturally, this meant the flight had something to do with Michigan pursuing Tiger coach Les Miles for its coaching vacancy.  Just one little problem with that conclusion: Miles - along with probably anybody else in the LSU athletic department one would reasonably expect to discuss the matter with if it was true - was in Dallas for LSU's Cotton Bowl game that day. 

But I'm more skeptical for a totally different reason.

I think we can all agree that Michigan athletic director Dave Brandon is playing this so close to the vest that his lips probably won't know the choice until the name of the new coach leaves his mouth.  That's why I can't imagine anything close to this conversation taking place:

DAVE BRANDON:  I'm thinking about Les Miles to fill our coaching vacancy so I'm going to Baton Rouge tomorrow.  But if I fly commercial, everybody will see me on the plane, and in the airport, and it will spread like wildfire.  I was able to keep it a secret for 40 days that I was firing Rich Rod,  but I wouldn't be able to keep this a secret for 40 minutes if I did that.  Any suggestions?

RICHARD H. ROGEL:  You can borrow my private jet.

DAVE BRANDON:  You mean the bright maize and blue painted Gulfstream that looks like a giant flying Michigan football helmet?

RICHARD H. ROGEL:  Yep, that's the one.  And it plays The Victors out of huge speakers on the bottom of the plane and shoots maize and blue streamers out of the nosecone as it descends.

DAVE BRANDON:  Perfect. I'll be like a NAVY Seal - in and out before anybody even notices.

RICHARD H. ROGEL:  Absolutely.  One problem Dave - Les and the entire Tiger athletic department are in Dallas for LSU's Cotton Bowl game tomorrow.

DAVE BRANDON:  Oh, I know.  I'm going down there to feel it out first with Frank Tibbeleux who heads up the stadium janitorial staff.  Do my due diligence. Just don't tell anyone.

RICHARD H. ROGEL: Scout's honor, Dave.  I'll have the jet ready.

BREAKING NEWS: In addition to Les Miles and Jim Harbaguh, third generation wheat farmer Bill Simmowitz has also rejected an offer to coach at Michigan.

(HT: WH)

Michigan fans react to news about AD Dave Brandon's press conference

Coaching Conclave Continues in Ann Arbor

(from MZone wire reports) Ann Arbor, MI - Michigan fans remained gathered outside Schembechler Hall on Wednesday still waiting for a sign that athletic director Dave Brandon had made a decision regarding the Wolverine head coaching situation.

But the black smoke pouring out of the smoke stack atop Schembechler Hall indicated that Brandon's coaching conclave was continuing.  Wednesday marks the 40th day of Brandon's so-called "evaluation" of current coach Rich Rodriguez making it the longest known job review in recorded history.   

According to tradition, black smoke above Schembechler Hall indicates a coaching decision has not yet been made; white smoke indicates Rich Rodriguez has been fired; and maize and blue smoke along with streamers and lollipops shooting out of the piping would indicate that Jim Harbaugh is the new Michigan coach.

UPDATE: The smoke is now white as Rich Rod has maybe kinda in due time after another 40 day evaluation if Dave Brandon's Magic 8-Ball says so finally been fired.

Meanwhile, after every news outlet in Detroit erroneously announced that he had been fired on Tuesday, Rich Rodriguez celebrated at least one more day on the job by showing off the errant Free Press headline announcing his axing.

(HT to Mikoyan for the idea and RR 'Shop, HT to DC for the smoke pic. Thanks!)

Football Gods Decide to F*ck With Michigan Fans

(from MZone wire reports) MT. OLYMPUS - The college football gods wrapped up an epic 24 hour period Tuesday night of completely fucking with Michigan fans. Observers note they haven't seen this kind of cruel wrath directed at a fan base since the gods initially tricked Colorado fans into believing Dan Hawkins was a good hire.

The day started for Michigan with breaking news out of Ann Arbor that head coach Rich Rodriguez - who in three short years had turned the winningest program in college football history into the 38-point bitch of the 5th place SEC West team - had been fired by AD Dave Brandon. Then, rather than the gods allowing the news to be instantly corrected, they instead let it spread like a venereal disease at the Theta house via news outlets and the Internet.

Only after hopes of Harbaugh riding in to save the teetering program reached a fever pitch did the football gods crush U-M spirits with the knowledge that Rodriguez had actually not been fired and was still the head coach. Apparently after waiting some six weeks while working on his "evaluation" of Rich Rod and his future, the actual meeting to decide the outcome was, like the last Harry Potter film, a two-parter and was to be continued tomorrow. This marked the first time in recorded history that it's taken an AD longer than a Donald Trump divorce proceeding to make up his mind to remove or retain a football coach.

The suffering continued that night during the Sugar Bowl game between Michigan's hated rival Ohio State and Arkansas. First, all of the so-called Tat 5, played the entire game, their only punishment being forced to miss a minute of some pre-game stretching exercise.  Then the game started and it looked like a Buckeye blowout as they led the Hogs 28-10 at the half.  But following a furious comeback in the second half, Arkansas found themselves only down 31-26 with a minute left and about to get the ball back.  Unfortunately, they had no timeouts left and it looked like they were going to have to go the length of the field.

That's when the Razorback special teams blocked Tosu's punt giving QB Ryan Mallet and his offense a minute to score from deep inside Ohio State territory.  After the block, Michigan fans across the country let out a scream usually reserved for drug-induced sexual experiences. 

It looked as if the day for the Maize and Blue Faithful was going to at least end on a high note.

Instead, that's when the football gods dropped the hammer and made Mallet throw an INT on the very next play, clinching the victory for the Buckeyes.  The number of "motherf*cker!" shouts floating up into the heavens was still being tabulated at the time this column was written.

And the suffering for Michigan fans might not be over.

When reached for by the MZone at Mt. Olympus, Zeus Lombardi initially had no comment on what he and his fellow football gods had put Wolverine fans through on Tuesday. But then he laughed and cryptically added, "Wait until they see what happens next." Zeus Lombardi then excused himself saying he had to hurry down to Austin to keep fucking with Texas fans.

MZone Exclusive: Gerg Robinson Prepping for Ohio State

In an MZone exclusive, we have obtained secret video of Michigan defensive coordinator Greg "Tickle Me Elmo" Robinson prepping for this weekend's big Ohio State game.

MZone PSA: All your Tosu trash talk needs in one convenient location

On a strictly football level, Michigan fans are hard pressed to talk much smack as we head toward our annual showdown with Ohio State this Saturday.  We haven't beaten Tosu since 2003 and this year could be especially ugly as The Game is in Columbus and the Wolverines arrive with the most porous defense in its 131 year history.

And yet The Game demands smack talk.  I mean, did Buckeye fans shut their pie holes back in the glorious John Cooper Era (*sigh*) when U-M used to beat them year in and out, ruining their national title hopes at every turn?  Of course they didn't.

Nor shall we.  But what's a Michigan fan to do now that the tables have turned?

Take a page from what passed for political campaigns during the recent mid-term elections: don't argue the facts, go negative.

Thus, as a public service to our readers, we have taken the time to compile some of our favorite anti-Tosu material we've posted here on the MZone so that it may be used as smack talk this week.  Best of all, due to our current defensive situation, none of it has absolutely anything to do with football!  Simply send one of the links below to that annoying Buckeye in your life.  When they respond with football facts and their run of Big 10 titles, laugh that deep laugh when you realize you're getting under someone's skin...then send another link.  Continue as needed.

Same goes on the message boards.  Buckeyes, like termites, tend to lurk just under the surface.  Sure, you may think the mods have gotten rid of the pests, but they're there.  So link away on your message board of choice and watch them run back to theirs, all pissed because they can't believe a team that hasn't won in C-bus since 2000 has the audacity to be talking shit.  

Thus, until we can compete with Tosu on the football field again, without further adieu, behold our special early holiday gift to our MZone readers.

You're welcome!

Sincerely,

The MZone Staff

THE BUCKSTACHE

No smack talk with a Buckeye would be complete without bringing up The Buckstache, a term coined by the MZone back in 2006 after a rash of legal problems by Tosu fans, players and players-to-be -- who all sported facial hair previously known as a mustache before the birth of the Buckstache.

So do your research and click on the tag in the Buckstache post above to get other examples. If you use one of these and your target Buckeye replies with something like "That was X years ago!" remember: facts are for pussies.  Then send him a pic of another Buckstache aficionado.

Remember this guy?

BROKEBUCK MOUNTAIN

Sometimes it's just too easy.  Case in point: this picture from an MZone Caption Contest. Simply send the pic below and name their mom, one of the Tosu starting players - or even coach Tressel - as the person possessing the naked rump sticking out of the car.  Tasteless?  You bet.  Anything to get them so enraged they momentarily forget the rump sticking out of the car could aptly be called "Michigan's Defense."

PHOTOSHOP PHUNNIES

Nothing like a good doctored picture to ruffle a few Buckeye feathers.  Below are a few from our storied 'shop past:

ED. NOTE: When your Tosu friend emails back saying, "This is fake" stick to your guns.  "No, it's not."  Act indignant.  Let them waste their day on Google sending you different varieties of the same pic.  Swear it's obvious that those are Photoshopped, these anti-Tosu pics are the originals.  Repeat.

'Shopped?  Yes.  Can you imagine him at the 'Shoe? Also yes.

OK, this might not be Photoshopped.

Buckeye Middle Class Housing

Buckeye Upper Class Housing (aka Tressel's Place)

WOODY

Like mocking Bear in 'Bama, you're messing with fire here - which is why you're reading this post.  Remember: a) worst defense in history of Michigan football b) have lost the last 8 out of 9 against Tosu.  You have nothing else.  It's time for the nuclear option. So:

Hey, remind me again what happened in Woody's last game?  Oh yeah...

Need more? Send video...



Still need more?  Fine.  Order a Clemson jersey with the name/number of the player Woody sucker punched.  Or send a picture of this guy standing in front of this sign.  Buckeye fans love it.

THE BEST DAMN BAND IN CENTRAL OHIO!

Tosu folks love their band.  And why shouldn't they this time of year?  They look just like the Salvation Army folks standing outside the mall.

Will play "Hang on Sloopy" for a buck!

After mocking their uniforms, stick the dagger in by reminding them that that script Ohio they're so proud of was copied off the Michigan marching band who performed it in the 'Shoe FOUR YEARS BEFORE THE TOSU BAND did for the first time in 1936 (yes, it's true).

M Marching Band performs "Script Ohio" in the 'Shoe in '32

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Hop around the site a bit, you'll find more.

Like this nutritious meal in C-bus...

Alphabet Soup in Columbus

And Uncle Buck(eye) (doctored because it was some reader's actual uncle)...

And the SHOWGIRLS of pro-Tosu videos...



FINALLY

Just to prove you're not a hater, send them this pic of the only "Fuck Michigan" picture officially endorsed and approved of here at the MZone.

Michigan vs. Wisconsin: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

THE GOOD:

* Sophomore Denard Robinson set the single season rushing record for a QB. He now has 1,538 yards.

* Robinson is the first QB in NCAA history to rush for 1,500 yards and pass for 2,000 yards in the same season.

* After falling behind 24-0 by halftime, U-M twice cut the deficit to 10 points and was an onside kick recovery away from making Wisco really sweat.

* And...uh...ummm...it didn't rain.

THE BAD:

* Michigan got shut out in the 1st half

* Michigan's kicking woes continued when they missed a 30 yarder from the center of the field

* A Robinson pass was batted at the line of scrimmage and intercepted by a Wisco lineman that I'm pretty sure hadn't run with a football since pick up games in his back yard when he was about 9.

* How bad is the defense?  Well, this season, the Wolverines have given up 369 points and 4,897 yards, both record setters:  The yards allowed broke the 4,720 mark in 2009 and 347 blasted past the 2008 suckage.  Awesome!

*The Badgers finished the game by calling 28 consecutive running runs.  Twenty-eight straight running plays and we still couldn't stop them.  Twenty-eight plays in which it's a little harder to blame the youth in the secondary for the carnage.

THE UGLY:

* Wisco coach Brett Bulimia is doing his best to take over the Big 10's Biggest D-Bag coaching award from Danny Hope.  A week after scoring 83 points on IU and claiming he wasn't running it up (because, you know, everybody throws 74 yard TD strikes when you're clinging to a 69-14 lead late in the third), Bret said this after the game yesterday about the Badgers' physical play: "What we do isn't pretty.  A lot of places, there's a certain emphasis on being pretty and being individualized on players."  Gee, who were you talking about, Bret?
    He followed them up when asked about Denard Robinson's record breaking day by saying, "For them, that's great.  We would never recruit to that."  Good point.  I mean who'd want to recruit one of the most electrifying players in the game.

* According to MGoBlog, in the post game news conference, when asked about Michigan's bad tackling, Rich Rod had this to say: "The hard part is, to work on it during the season, how do you do live tackling?" Don't want guys to get hurt - can't afford more injuries. 
   Uh, did the head football coach of the University of Michigan just say he doesn't do and/or doesn't know how to conduct meaningful tackling drills during the season?  Seriously?  Please, please PLEASE somebody tell me this was taken out of context.  My 9th grade freshman coach found a way to do it, I should hope the coach of the team once led by Bo Schembechler can figure out a way from September through November to practice tackling.

Even the lingerie team practices tackling during the season

Mystery Solved?

There used to be a TV show called IN SEARCH OF hosted by Leonard Nimoy that attempted to find out the truth behind various unexplained mysteries:  Bigfoot, UFOs, the Loch Ness Monster, etc.

If it were still on the air, I think the new intro might look something like this over the past three years...



To be honest, before last weekend, I thought we'd find Bigfoot, UFOs and the Loch Ness Monster before Michigan's defense.

But, at least for one weekend, that mystery may have been solved when U-M's D held Purdue without an offensive touchdown in the Wolverine's 27-16 victory.  Granted, it was Purdue.  But after all the ugliness - especially on the heals of giving up 65 to an Illinois team that just got beaten by Minnesota - it's a start.

Well done, D.

Michigan Replay

If you grew up in Michigan during the Bo Schembechler Era, then the music in the video below is going to evoke some strong memories.  Close your eyes...

You're 10 years old and it's Sunday morning.  You just went to the game with your dad and brother yesterday.   The sight of toilet paper and marshmallows flying around the student section after every Michigan touchdown still fresh in your mind's eye.  Your mom and sister went to church but you somehow got out of it.  You plop on the couch, turn on the TV and there sits Bo across from Jim Branstatter as the music starts.

All is good in the world.

Michigan Fans Discuss Rich Rodriguez

Two Michigan fans discuss Rich Rodriguez after the Wolverines become bowl eligible.

ED. NOTE: If you're watching this at work (not that you would ever surf the Internet on company time), you might want to keep the speakers turned down as the language is a little salty.

MZone Exclusive: Greg Robinson's Defensive Playbook

In the wake of Michigan's victory over Illinois last Saturday, many U-M fans are wondering how in the name of Schembechler a Wolverine defense could give up 65 - SIXTY-FIVE! - points.

For answers, in an MZone exclusive, we have obtained a copy of Greg Robinson's defensive playbook and game plan for the Illinois game.

 

(Big HT to MZone reader J. for this guest post and the Photoshops)

Oh, the Humanity! Michigan Football Explodes

BREAKING NEWS:

(from MZone wire reports) State College, PA --  Michigan's once-proud football program exploded in a fireball of suck Saturday night when the Wolverines were beaten 41-31 by Penn State. During the game, the U-M defense let a 3rd string walk-on QB making his first start look like the second coming of Joe Montana.

While officials are still at the crash site, sources tell the MZone that the investigation is focusing on the ship's captain, Rich Rodriguez.  Before Rodriguez took over at the helm, Michigan football hadn't had a losing season in 40+ years.  But after back-to-back losing seasons and a third season that was rapidly beginning to unravel, speculation is mounting that pilot error by Rodriguez may have driven the winningest program in the history of college football straight into the fucking ground.

Sadly, MZone cameras were at the scene of the disaster and captured the exclusive video below.

WARNING: This video contains graphic images of a tradition-rich football program blowing up like Gerg's D-line on a simple off-tackle run.  Viewer discretion - especially if you bleed Maize and Blue - is advised.

And I can't even take a beer in?!

A man posing as a member of the color guard snuck into Michigan Stadium before the M/MSU game earlier this month toting - wait for it - two M16 assault rifles!

Yes, you read that correctly: the crack stadium security folks - that never miss the lone plastic water bottle some 65 year old alum is trying to bring in to avoid the concession lines - waved a dude with two - TWO! - M16s right on through.

So, to put it subtly, HOW IN THE &^%$ DID THAT HAPPEN?!

Apparently the man, who is a full-time National Guardsman, pulled the ol' "I'm with the band" trick in which he simply walked in claiming to be part of the on-the-field military personnel who raise the flag, etc.  He was busted when - after making it in AND onto the field - an authorized member of the color guard recognized he wasn't part of their group and reported him to police.

When police arrested him, he said he just wanted to see the game but couldn't get a ticket so he figured (correctly) he'd use his uniform to get in.

Now, while some dude sneaking into a bar or a sold-out concert using the oldest sneak-in trick in the world is funny, a guy sporting a pair of high-caliber military weapons in the post-9/11-slash-post-Mumbai world to sneak into a stadium holding 113,000 people isn't quite as amusing.

But it gets even better.  Police defended their actions claiming they didn't do anything wrong because they didn't find any ammunition on him or in his gun so they didn't consider him a threat.

Bravo, officers.  Bravo.

Yeah, because if he really were a terrorist, he would have never dreamed to have somebody else with a ticket sneak the bullets in.

Surely U-M officials see that, right?

"There wasn't anything that we believe was done incorrectly or improperly by police in any of the checkpoints there," said Diane Brown with the university's Department of Public Safety.

Uh, yes there was...

YOU LET AN UNAUTHORIZED MAN TO BRING TWO M16s INTO MICHIGAN STADIUM!

On the plus side, they did make him leave his Thermos.

BANNED!                                       NOT SO BANNED

The Battle of Fort Rodriguez

BREAKING NEWS:

(from MZone wire reports) Ann Arbor, MI -- Simmering tensions between Michigan fans supporting Rich Rodriguez and those opposing the beleaguered head coach erupted in hostilities yesterday marking what many consider the start of a civil war amongst the Wolverine faithful.

The initial battle broke out on the main Michigan message boards at Scout.com and Rivals.com in the wake of Michigan's 38-28 loss to Iowa on Saturday.  Following the defeat, those against Rodriguez began comparing the 2010 campaign to the clusterfuck that was the 2008 2009 season while those urging patience claimed the talent in Michigan's secondary was only slightly better than the back-ups on the JV squad at Ann Arbor Pioneer.

"Rich Rodriguez is the worst coach to ever have coached any sport in the history of sports, including the ancient Greek Olympics.  And he probably kills puppies, too," said Rivals poster "9-4AndAVictoryOverFlorida-InANewYearsBowl-DoesntSeemSoFuckingBadNow_DoesIt851" as he fired a cannon shot at the pro-Rich front lines.

Gen. Brian Cook surveys the battlefield

But that volley was met by a quick counter-attack from ImNamingMyTwinDaughtersRich-And-Rodriguez7856, "Rich Rodriguez is a God, only in human form. On a football field.  Wearing a headset.  And not only will he win us 9 National Titles in a row, he'll also cure cancer during the off-season if people would just have a little patience."

A second front in the expanding conflict opened up in the Maize and Blue blogosphere when the website Genuinely Sarcastic was so disgusted with Michigan's performance last weekend that they refused to put up a new post following the Iowa game.  Instead, the bloggers simply left up their MSU game diatribe, "Disillusionment," which slammed Rodriguez and the direction of the football program under him.  Brian Cook, Supreme Commander of the pro-Rich Rod forces at MGoBlog, ordered the anti-Rich Rod rant removed.  When Genuinely Sarcastic refused, Cook and his army of some 75,000 plus daily readers encircled the curiously-named site and threatened to cut off their Internet traffic by removing them from his links section.

Faced with a cyber Siege of Stalingrad that would leave its traffic flow on par with this Florida Gator site,  Genuinely Sarcastic was able to dispatch a cavalry rider to the MZone in a desperate plea for help.  Military experts theorize that the MZone was picked because it's founder, the strikingly handsome and noted lothario, Colonel Fielding Yost, is said to sympathize with the "What the &^%$! is Rich Rod doing to our &^%$! football program?!" faction of Michigan fans.

However, having only recently returned to the blogosphere after being AWOL for 2+ years, Colonel Yost and his meager readership were no match for the Mighty MGoBlog, and calls for reinforcements from the Wolverine Liberation Army went unanswered.

Unrelated, cool-looking battlefield map for no reason

Rumors that In Rod We Trust launched unprovoked attacks against MVictors and Maize N Brew at the urging of Private Rick Leach because the two sites wouldn't change their names to WeTrustWorshipAndLoveRodEvenMore.com and .org, respectively, were unconfirmed at press time.

And unidentified reports claiming that Go Blue M Wolverine, The Hoover Street Rag and Holy Fuck I Think We're Now Officially Out of Michigan-Themed Names For Any More Michigan-Themed Football Blogs started a guerrilla campaign against MGoBlog by planting links to Michael Rosenberg articles on the site's comment section were also unverified.

With the Maize and Blue Nation about to be torn apart right where the maize meets the blue, Michigan AD Dave Brandon called for calm and asked EDSBS founder Orson Swindle to help broker a peace accord, even offering to throw in free pizza.  But Swindle was on his way to the LSU/Auburn game and refused to get in the middle of the conflict.

"This is for U-M fans to figure out by themselves," said Swindle.  "On their campus, on their message boards and on one of the 698 Michigan-centric college football blogs out there."

THIS IS A BREAKING NEWS STORY.  PLEASE CHECK BACK FOR FURTHER UPDATES AND PHOTOS AS THEY BECOME AVAILABLE.

Space, Bitches. Space. (No, Really)

While our Big 10 brethren just up the road in East Lansing are setting couches on fire to study the combustibility of...couches, a couple Michigan students have built a 6.5-pound satellite that is scheduled to become the first stand-alone spacecraft built by Michigan students to go into orbit and perform a science mission.

You had a 10 page term paper due today?  How quaint.

Yes -- a couple U-M students built a fucking satellite.

"I'm incredibly impressed with these students," said team adviser James Cutler, an assistant professor in the departments of Aerospace Engineering and Atmospheric, Oceanic and Space Sciences.

Aw, yes -  the departments of Aerospace Engineering and Atmospheric, Oceanic and Space Sciences.  I came *this* close to majoring in good ol' AEAOSS.  *This* close.  It was either Aerospace Engineering and Atmospheric, Oceanic and Space Sciences for me...or Comm.  And while I never built a satellite, junior year I did build a really kick-ass beer bong.

According to the article linked above, "The Radio Aurora Explorer (RAX) is slated for launch Nov. 19 from Kodiak, Alaska. Its primary mission is to study how plasma instabilities in the highest layers of the atmosphere disrupt communication and navigation signals between Earth and orbiting satellites."

Well that sucks:  Andy and I were just talking yesterday about building a satellite on the side to show how plasma instabilities in the second-highest layers of the atmosphere disrupt communication and navigation signals between Earth and orbiting satellites.

Shit.  What are the odds?  So much for that.

Guess we'll have to go with Plan B:   Photoshopping old movie posters, or studying how alcohol consumption at the highest levels disrupts communication and verbal signals between Buckeye fans and the police orbiting their tailgate parties.

Well done, Wolverines.

And just because this is as good a reason as any to link to one of our favorite EDSBS posts ever...

Space, Bitches.  Space.

(HT: Catie)

UPDATE:  MZone reader Phil sent us this clip which shows Ohio State is also doing some cutting edge research in this "arena" of unmanned flight.

Rich Rodriguez Asks OU Bobcat To Try Out For U-M Defense

After seeing video of Ohio University's mascot, Rufus the Bobcat, making an open field tackle on Ohio State's Brutus Buckeye over the weekend, Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez has asked the big-headed furry mascot to try out for the Wolverine football team.

"If you saw our defense against UMass, you know we need help," Rodriguez said Monday at his weekly press conference.  "And that was best tackle against something wearing Scarlet and Grey that I've seen since I've been here."

Rodriguez also noted that if Rufus can kick a field goal over 18 yards, he will offer the mascot a full scholarship on the spot.

Rufus the Bobcat may soon be wearing a winged helmet

(HT: Dr. Saturday for the pic and inspiration)