How to write a book.

Hello and welcome. Today we will explore the complicated process of writing a book.

The first thing you must do is gather materials, actual pre-made books can be expensive, so save time and money by simply stapling papers together and gluing cardboard to the outsides to create a cover.

Next, create an eye catching cover with an extravagant title. Does your book make a brief mention of dragons on page 146? Name it Dragon's Slayer X: The Wrath of Dracognix.

Commissioning a professional artist to do the cover art is a far step down from simply drawing the cover yourself. Materials needed can vary from crayons, or you can simply use colors around the house, such as: Ketchup for red, Mustard for yellow, or the paint peeling off of your garage's walls for pale green. Now your cover is fun and edible!* Using a pencil and writing all of the words yourself in each copy gives the book a feel of authenticity, or simply purchasing a chimp and handing it a pencil will help save money on purchasing a copy machine.

Also, never, under any circumstance spell-check, it is a time wasting process when the publishing company will probably do it for you anyway.

If your story is based off of legend or history, nobody will mind if you take extreme royalties with the image. Are you doing a history book on Abraham Lincoln? Tell more about his back story of killing grisly bears with his bare hands, his super strength and agility (also, make him sparkle in the sunlight, the teenage crowd eats that stuff up).

And the final step of the book writing process is "When in doubt, plagiarize." This complicated saying means, that when you are out of ideas, steal other peoples good ones. Add a wizard into your story and call him Barry Totter and his best friend Prodo on their quest to defeat Lord Saurdemort and destroy the one ring/death star with their best buddy Juke Piewalker.

We at the informative "How to" company hope this informative guide on books has aided you.

*This blog is not responsible for any damage caused by eating dry paint.