Remembering Victoria and Kate

One thing about Portland is that there aren’t many degrees of separation among friends and acquaintances. Case in point: A week ago, I visited the offices of the Nonprofit Association of Oregon to shoot a video interview.

The executive director, Carrie Hoops, and I walked into a room where a meeting had just broken up and my eyes went straight to the wall. There was a framed poem entitled “Our Victoria.”

“Did you know Victoria?” I asked.

Carrie, who's still fairly new to the association, said no but that she’d only heard wonderful things about her.

“She was our neighbor,” I said. “A wonderful woman with a generous spirit.”

She and her daughter Kate were killed in a tragic car accident in December 2003, enroute to attend a 50th birthday party for Victoria’s sister in Central Oregon. Their deaths left behind husband Kevin and two boys, Sean and Conor, and tore a hole in the heart of the neighborhood and the community at large, as both mother and daughter were known for their selfless service.

Victoria and Kate in Morocco

Victoria, tall and gracious, had spent 30 years working for nonprofits in California and Oregon. Kate, flame-haired and vivacious, had graduated from Smith College, served with the Peace Corps in Morocco and worked among the poor in Calcutta, India.

It always sounds like a cliché to say a person was taken too soon. In this case, it’s absolutely true. I remember the memorial service for Victoria and Kate filling the Southeast Portland church they attended. I remember the small circle of friends who gathered to plant a tree on the sidewalk strip in front of their house, just two doors away from our own. I remember asking myself how could I possibly go on if I lost Lori and Simone …just like that.

It’s hard to believe seven years have passed since their lives were cut short. But seeing Victoria memorialized on the wall of an organization that strives to do so much good lifted my spirits that day.

Here’s the text of the poem, composed by Kim Stafford of Lewis & Clark College:

"Our Victoria"

Some things get frayed by grief
or trouble—you need a needle
and a loop of cotton twist.

Sometimes the button can’t find
the buttonhole—you need a needle
and a knack for knots.

Some days the hem gives out
at the edge of a life, cuffs go
ragged at a mother’s wrist.

Small things, you say? Hard
to see? Little nothings in a world
of big catastrophes?

She saw—Victoria, our friend.
She held the hand that held
the needle that held it

all together. Sometimes now you
need her, the one who saw and held--
so you remember by holding
another's hand where hurt heals.

 Katie’s legacy lives on too. Each year, the Multnomah County Health Department gives the Katie Jeans-Gail Award for Young Heroes to a youth or youth-related group who inspires or promotes other young people to make healthy lifestyle choices.

I'm honored to have known them both.