Jewish Religion Adds Holiday, Splits Into Divisions

(from MZone wire reports) Roslyn, NY - The Jewish religion has decided to add Presidents' Day to its calendar of holidays, allowing it to split into divisions and hold a championship game.  The move had been widely expected ever since January when Rabbi Herb Goldstein said members of the faith were studying ways to compete with the larger and more well-known Christian religion.

But as news of the impending expansion broke, many fans of the traditional Jewish calendar were outraged to learn that the Jewish High Holidays, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, were being placed in separate divisions.  According to sources close to Temple Beth El B'nai, Yom Kippur will most likely be moved from its traditional early fall date to early-summer.

Shalom, Presidents' Day!

Rabbi Ross R. Rosenrosen defended the move.  "We understand folks have grown to expect Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur back-to-back -- especially non-Jewish college students who score the football tickets those weekends off the Jewish kids on their dorm floors who have to attend services.  But we wanted to spread out our two biggest holidays, like the Christians do with Christmas and Easter.  Plus, we didn't want Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur potentially meeting again the following month in our title game."

According to MZone wire reports, the new divisions will be as follows: the Abraham Division will consist of Rosh Hashanah, Sukkot, Chanukkah, Purim, Lag B'Omer and Tisha B'Av while the Moses Division will include Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah, Tu B'Shevat, Passover, Shavu'ot and Presidents' Day.   The championship game will rotate between West Bloomfield, Michigan and South Florida.

There had been some speculation that Good Friday might bolt the Christian religion for the new Jewish super-league but in the end it decided to stay put and continue its longstanding weekend association with Easter Sunday.  Sources tell the MZone that the 4th of July was also approached but, in the end, the summer holiday powerhouse decided to remain secular.

Some religious scholars questioned whether or not the addition of the relatively minor Presidents' Day was a good move.  But the financial lure of a championship game and the added exposure to a faith that makes up just 1.78% of the population in the United States proved to be too much to pass up for one of the oldest religions in the world.

Many now fear the Jewish realignment could lead to other faiths making a run on the remaining independent secular holidays in order not to get left behind, leading to just a handful of super religions.  However, at press time, none of the other major religions in the United States had announced any changes, although the Christians said they were studying the moves by the Jewish faith.